Wednesday, 2 February 2011

The two best words in the world. . . .

It was a long, long road to get my beautiful boys. After years of trying to conceive, we were told we would never be able to conceive naturally.  After a day or two of mourning, I woke up and decided this wasn’t going to beat us and I would do everything in my power to make it happen. I was a women possessed. I had every blood test known to man, including many I was told I didn’t need. If I was I going to go through IVF then I was going to make sure I was well armed!

I researched all the hospitals both here and abroad. I put my husband through hell!  I had no time for socialising, no time for niceties.  Every minute of every hour was spent researching what my blood levels meant. What prenatal vitamins to use, what alternative medicine, would give me the highest chance of getting pregnant.
We, when I say “we” I mean, “ I”  finally chose a hospital in London. One of the top ones. I knew I only had one shot, so I had to throw everything at it. The daily sniffing to down reg my body, was just another day closer to achieving my goal. Every blood test, scan and daily injection was allowing me to get closer to my beautiful baby. I actually saw my boys at 2 cells, 4 cells, and again at 100 cells.
I had two blastocycts put back and waited. I tested 2 weeks later, and just knew it had worked. I was pregnant with one baby. Now I could allow myself to think about what sex I wanted. 
I wanted a girl.
I wanted to dress her in pretty clothes. I wanted her to have a bob. I wanted to watch “high school musical” and to be able to chat about her first crush. I wanted to speak to her on the phone daily when she is older wanted to go shopping. .  I wanted a girl. 
My labour was terrible. A car crash. I finally gave birth after, lots of intervention and lots of doctors being involved. I heard the baby cry. I asked what it was.  It was a boy. I was too much in shock to care I didn’t have my girl. I needed my body to be repaired by the doctors, have a bath and then hold my son.
“My son” my goodness they must be the best 2 words in the English dictionary. Although I laboured throughout the night, the following night I just sat at the side of my bed and fell in love. I truly was the luckiest person in the world. R was perfect. I was so proud of him being him.  There was not a moment when I wished I had had a girl. He was perfect just as he was.
After another 3 attempts at ivf over the next 3 years. I was lucky to get pregnant again.(we went to the ARGC) Again I wanted a girl, but I must say, not as much as I did before my R.  This one was a whopper. Off the scale in all the prenatal scans and also breach.  We again didn’t know what sex we were having. I was scheduled for a c –section. But my lovely little man had other ideas. I went into labour 2 weeks early and my 9 1/2  lb boy came into the world. 

I looked down at his beautiful little face and full head of hair and like R, knew I would, love and worry about him for the rest of my life.

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